cringey

Socially inept, I spend most of my time working or superseding reality with a virtual macrocosm of video games, alcohol and movies. By day I rule the realm of IT, roaring edicts and gesturing gravely. By night I'm just another bit on the wire, a digital stone making my way through the kidney of .. gaming. Every time I leave my house, I do not presume that I will ever return there. That isn't an automatic thing that just follows logically for me. The dense matrix of lethality presented by virtually any region outside of the home should give a brave man pause, but I see people out all the time getting pot stickers or running with their dogs. Fuck leaving the house, the moment you board an airplane your termination index goes through the roof. Eating food from street vendors - while not directly comparable to the presumptive festival of hubris that is human flight - certainly ranks above running with the bulls in Spain or wearing a spider as decoration. There are none more aware of the myriad dangers which accompany normal activity. I'm pretty sure that my creativity is directly linked to my anxiety. The way my brain currently handles uncomfortable or scary situations is to make jokes. I neither like people, nor utilizing shared resources. In public restrooms, I can feel diseases leaping from the stalls to my penis. I live in Dallas, I've smelled enough heavy, strange urine to keep me pretty good on that score maybe forever.Occasionally I find something unique, perhaps left there by oxen, herds of oxen grazing on garbage, drinking sewage and producing wholly new types of waste. Getting back to me, there are points of distinction between myself and what you might refer to as my .. Persona. I don't write as a different person or anything, it's not that elaborate, but .. I can say things with a level of force and assurance that I don't typically see as my domain. For several minutes of this session, though - perhaps as many as eight - I felt like the capable person I'm able to project here from time to time. Spending too much time in the world of blogs would be much like drinking un-boiled urine - there is a threshold of desperation that needs to be reached before you take such drastic measures, and I simply haven't arrived yet.