AIDS

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This profile has been created for the sole purpose of entertainment.
It should therefore be viewed as parody.

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Everyone Has AIDS (by Trey Parker)

Everyone has AIDS!
AIDS AIDS AIDS!
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS!
Everyone has AIDS!

And so this is the end of our story
And everyone is dead from AIDS
It took from me my best friend
My only true pal
My only bright star (he died of AIDS)

Well I'm gonna march on Washington
Lead the fight and charge the brigades
There's a hero inside of all of us
I'll make them see everyone has AIDS

My father (AIDS!)
My sister (AIDS!)
My uncle and my cousin and her best friend (AIDS AIDS AIDS!)
The gays and the straights
And the white and the spades

Everyone has AIDS!
My grandma and my dog 'ol blue (AIDS AIDS AIDS)
The pope has got it and so do you (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
C'mon everybody we got quilting to do (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
We gotta break down these baricades, everyone has
AIDS! x 20

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[The podium. Jared stands behind it]

Jared: Ladies and gentlemen, a- at first I didn't understand why you
felt betrayed by the fact that my aides helped me to lose weight,
but now I understand that it isn't fair that- I had aides and most
of you don't. And so, with all the money I've made from commercials,
I have decided to start the Aides for Everyone Foundation!

Jimbo: What??

Jared: I am going to personally see to it that each and every one
of you gets aides!

[a long silence follows as the audience just looks at Jared]

Mayor McDaniels: This guys' insane.

Jared: But I won't stup there. I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged
and hungry children of the world, and I'm giong to give them aides myself!

Chef: You're gonna give children AIDS?!

Jared: Yes, it is my hope that every beautiful child on this earth has
aides by next month! Aides for everyone!! [another long silence]

Skeeter: Get him!

[the crowd begins to move forward angrily and Jared leaves the podium]

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