Nikole Johnson | Nineteen | Southern Maine

<big>I fooled the crowd when I made it sound like I was more then ready.</big>



"Blue eyes say love me or I die.
Brown eyes say love me or I'll kill you."

i'm nineteen years old, and i can not tell you what i am going to do with the next five minutes of my life, at any given time. i've always had the notion that i'm going to do something more than i do on a daily basis. that i'm going to get my act together and i'm going to be more. i'm not. i'm content with mediocrity. i love watching people. i love watching them grow, learn and form into better people. i am blessed with the ability to find good in everyone i have ever met. i rarely leave my room, and my social live thrives off of my computer. i'm not fat, and i'm not gross, i'm just terrified. i'm awkward and i make no sense to anybody expect myself. i love when people ask me to look through my sketchbook. it's the explanation for the way i act. i'm pretty sure that 99% i know think i'm a bitch. i'm honestly sorry. i have never thought before i spoke, and it's the best and worst thing. it's keeps me grounded to say exactly what i'm thinking at that exact moment. i always forget how old i am, because i'm afraid to accept it. i'm not sure what i'm going to do next with my life, and i'm not sure where i'll be in 50 years, but for right now, i have a book full of blank paper, a micron pen, and a whole world of love surrounding me.



We have taller buildings but shorter tempers; wider freeways but narrower viewpoints; we spend more but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less; we have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, yet less time; we have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; we have more gadgets but less satisfaction; more medicine, yet less wellness; we take more vitamins but see fewer results. We drink too much; smoke too much; spend too recklessly; laugh too little; drive too fast; get too angry quickly; stay up too late; get up too tired; read too seldom; watch TV too much and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values; we fly in faster planes to arrive there quicker, to do less and return sooner; we sign more contracts only to realize fewer profits; we talk too much; love too seldom and lie too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less; we make faster planes, but longer lines; we learned to rush, but not to wait; we have more weapons, but less peace; higher incomes, but lower morals; more parties, but less fun; more food, but less appeasement; more acquaintances, but fewer friends; more effort, but less success. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; drive smaller cars that have bigger problems; build larger factories that produce less. We've become long on quantity, but short on quality. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, but short character; steep in profits, but shallow relationships. These are times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure and less fun; higher postage, but slower mail; more kinds of food, but less nutrition. These are days of two incomes, but more divorces; these are times of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, cartridge living, thow-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies and pills that do everything from cheer, to prevent, quiet or kill. It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stock room. What is happening?