| Welcome My Delusia I have come to realize that I have been living inside my own world for quite some time. In side my own mind and what I think really is and what really isn't. Very often I find myself believing that I fully understand something in which, it was about something completely different. What I fully understood was my own interpretation of the thing. I now realize that absolutely nothing that I know of, is really what that thing is. Every once and a while, I will pause, and hear everything and notice everything around me, but excluding those brief moments, I only exist within my own mind-- hearing and believing only what I want to hear and believe. I would like to get in touch with this old reality that I might have once been in contact with. I am very sorry that all of you have been apart of my delusion. I am sorry because, even though I experience you, its not actually you. You are all just what I think you are, and sometimes, its really what I want you to be. I have found that very often I force reality and things, like people, to be what I want them to be. I give them a different meaning a new purpose, and I allow that purpose to shape my idea of them, instead of them shaping the purpose. All of you, have been subjected to this. Been horridly and unfairly subjected to my 100% subjective view. Not only have you been forced to conform to my opinions and beliefs, but you have all not been able to stretch out from them without causing me great harm. I do not blame you for me feeling bad--for you being different then what I wanted you to be. I can only blame myself, for setting up these expectations and these ideals that I force everyone to conform to in my own mind. Some times, it has gotten to the point where I stop talking to the person for years because they are not what I desire or intend them to be. I regretfully admit, that you are all no longer sand in my sandbox, but stones in a wall. All there equally, but with the equality you all have the same value. In which when compared to another brick, is just the same. You are all now neutral, and i apologize for ever placing any of you above or below another person. Most of all, I am very deeply sorry to force you to be something you are not. Because honestly, I have no clue who any of you are. I have recently been informed through a youtube video, that your beliefs, your ideas and desires are not who you are, but just beliefs ideas and desires. They are fragments of who you are as a person. And I greatly apologize for thinking differently. Now that I realize that you are all something more than made up structures in my play ground, I will value you. Just because we may have a few disagreements and can get very heated in certain situations involving each other, does not in any way mean we are bad people. Which is all that matters, whether we are good people are not, whether we are good grains of sand in the castle that help each other form a happy feeling in the young creators mind and heart. And honestly, I'd like to be a good grain of sand. I intend to be one. Despite the jokes that I have made and will continue to make, I still plan to actually treat you with worth, just like everyone else should. For me, these expressions may be silent and not expressed outside of my head, but please know that they are there. I hope to all of the possible gods that you all learn something from this. On a different note: Sometimes through this idea we put out for people comes jealousy, hatred, resentment, and complete/utter rejection. When really, we are shutting out things we do not fully understand or do not possess. None of us belong to anyone else. And no one belongs to us, we have no right to form or mold people into what we think they should be simply because they are not. Besides, sometimes what we think is right, is completely fucking wrong. And unfortunately it may be the case that the majority of us, are actually trapped in our own worlds. In our own realities upon this whole universal reality. Until we wake up, until we realize that where we are is made up by ourselves, our own consciously constructed dream (whether it be intended or not), we cannot truly value uniqueness, we cannot truly allow our idea of a person and the person themselves to escape one another, because they are all our own constructs. This construction that we have made for ourselves, has been made to feel comfortable and once you realize that its just a construct, its not fucking comfortable at all, and hell why do we even have one like this? Why cant we just allow other people to just be the way they are? We can't because we are stuck in our own illusion-- that this is best. Because it is easier for our ideas to be more perfect then the person themselves. We all need to break free from ourself, but until we are out, we are stuck our worlds. I mean this with the most respect and best possible intentions for myself and everyone else who shares this problem with me: Wake up, It is much better to live a real life that doesn't force everything to revolve around itself, than a dream that does. Love, Josh Euchner. |
