hard_rock_cafe99

Hey All, Pardon me if I choose not to use a bunch of regurgitated, copied, or over used cliques that I have seen in most of these unimaginative profiles. Sometimes....just once, without the planets needing to be aligned, its ok for you women to ask us guys out!! Its not all that difficult, I promise you. So get to it!!! I am no bodys prince because I would look terrible in tights. I am no bodys knight in Shining Armor, because I dont know how to ride a horse. I couldnt be anyones cowboy, because Broke Back Mountain killed the manliness of being one, and because I dont know how to ride ahorse. And I am darn sure no bodys door mat, because I dont shine shoes! I am on here with the goal of meeting down to earth, emotionally stable people who wont complicate my life. Easier said then done....as I am finding out...lol My life is pretty good, but it would be better if it were narrated by Morgan Freeman, and sound tracked by Linkin Park. I know that occasionally I will have to watch a chick flick...dont ask me if I am enjoying it...especially if you want honesty like you all claim you want in your profiles. I will never understand a woman's obsession with having 152 pillows on the bed. Sometimes I am cantankerous...although I didnt realize that until I was called it, and had to look up its definition. She was pretty smart. I have never had my mancard revoked, which has led to platinum membership status. I avoid watching Jeopardy cause I always feel just a bit dumber when I do. It has been said that money cant buy happiness. Just once I would like to have a crap load of money so I can see for myself. I am confident that I can cook better then most of you combined. Just accept that. I have never been up sh1ts creek without a paddle, but I have white water rafted down Sh1ts creek a couple of times in my life. I survived. I consider myself brave, but not as brave as the first man to watch an egg fall out of a chickens azz, and thought it was a good idea to eat it. I am emotionally distraught after viewing the "shake weight" commercial, as we all should be. I wont always give you what you want but I do try hard to give you what you need. I want a woman that knows there is a difference between the two. I do have a sensitive side...Although I didnt cry when old yellar died...I did when they took Married with Children off the air. I have a fear of clowns that is hard for me to over come while on this site...lol I do not beat around the bush, hint, or otherwise. I am not good with people who do, so please if you have something to say, for godsake spit it out. My pre-historic ancestors did not work as hard as they did getting to the top of the food chain, for me to disgrace them by eating sticks and leaves. I will have a side salad, but most meals will have some form of animal on the plate. I am a coach, so plan on dropping and giving me 20 if and when you get out of line. Certain body parts of mine are camera shy, so you will never ever have to worry about getting those kinds of photos from me. But, my big toe is an attention whore, so if you want a picture of that, just send a request. I admit to walking my dog at night to avoid picking up dog crap with a bag over my hand. As you can tell I like to have fun...but dont mistake that for my not being serious, I am hoping to meet the right woman for me. I am content being single, until Ms Right comes my way. Some women will like a guy like me and some wont....I am perfectly ok with that, you should be to, cause it goes the other way as well. If I dont answer right away, please dont assume that I dont want to talk. I may read messages from my phone, but will wait until I am on the computer to answer. No I am not constantly on here...but my computer is. I use how a woman treats her dog as a good indication of compatibility. If your dog is your "baby" and you refer to yourself as its "momma", thats kinda cute. If the dog has a better wardrobe and eats better then most humans do, then not such a good fit. Conversely, if your dog is tied to a dog house out back and looks like it hasnt eaten in weeks, then also not a good fit. Dont even get me started with the peanut butter jokes!! I personally have found this to be a good indication of emotional stability, and has worked for me. No need to message me to argue this point. If after reading all this nonsense, you have figured that I am not your type, I hope you at least had a laugh or two. Good luck in your search.