Something You Should Know About Me
Hi. My name is Teo "Lefty" Lopez. I was born in the late winter of 1907 in a log cabin I helped my father build. We were
smack dab in the middle of a cocaine crop in central El Salvador, so that didn't last long. I lived
with my 3 nephews, 6 older brothers, pet hedgehog called Hamster, and our heavily medicated Grandma.
Dad was a violent sort, hammering out his work-related stress on us youngsters. ( I *was* a twin.)
Anyway, one evening, after taking turns with Grandma (she never remembered to press charges) he got
crass with me about a little Chicano girl I had been seeing. Our subsequent parting was anything but
amicable, what with the butterknife and all. After surgery, I fled to Paris, where I worked as
a male gigolo until Syphillis put an end to that dream. After more surgery and three extracted wisdom
teeth, I made my way Stateside, opening up a coffee/crack stand at a Rest Area outside of Scottsdale,
Arizona. It paid well for a time, but with the advent of NAFTA, most of my supply ran dry. I then
went to Hollywood to be a star. It never happened, although I did get the role of Jennifer Love Hewitt's body double in "I Can't Even Remember Who You Are Anymore, So Get Lost". They're real, and they're spectacular. Which brings us to the present. I enjoy Jazz, Scotch, am an avid phillumenist, and Porn.
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