p_arran_oia

Reaching for the inner bright,
The very essence-sun of my dreaming bliss
Guided by a fear blinded outside all shades of the perfect black
The scattered jigsaw of my redemption
Laid out before my eyes
Each piece as amorphous as the other –
Each piece in its lack of shape a lie

Me – the paragon of fear,
An immobile skein of tangled nerves exposed
Hastily clawing my way into the darkest of my Inner scenes of torture
I stay my breath to escape this slavery
I stay my breath to re-awake and face it encore

The struggle to free myself of restraints
Becomes my very shackles

Non-physical smothering.
Asphyxiation by oxygen hands
Drowning in the endless sky.
In ever-downward dive, only to surface
The sewage of indecision,
On which all sense of self is afloat

The vortex-acceleration a constant.
Resolute in purpose its choking flow
My ignorance cast in the mold of all things absolute
I sustain forever my gaze.
A stare fixed on the distant oblivion
Resting in the inverted state
Of being dead, non-sensory matter
As all the earth, the wind, the fire, the sea
Behold and learn to pity me

Mutiny of self.
Insurrection games convincingly performed
Incapacitated by physical thoughts
Acting out the will of tendon and bone
Have the bridges of insanity been crossed and forever retracted?
Am I standing among a thousand selves?
Is the multitude of laughters mine alone?
The feeding frenzy of my starving soul
Gnawing voraciously at the bones,
The exo-skeletal patchwork
Protecting my own reflection within;
The twin-and-same engaged
In the mirrored act of chewing away at the shell of my Attacking self.
The paradox unseen

Treacherous this deceit to make no choice matter
To have and yet lose yourself, until finally all reasons why Are forgotten
To live through ones own shadow.
Mute and blinded, is to really see
Eclipse the golden mirror and the reflection is Set free.

So imminently visible – this cloaked innocent guilt
Sentenced to a lifetime, a second of structured chaos
Trampled by the ferocious, raging crowds of solitude
I’m the soil beneath me
Soaking up the sustenance of my own death

Extradited to the gods of chance,
The deities of all things random
Alive, multicolored,
Twitching in their dead monochrome world

Iridescent to the searching eyes,
I’m all things vivid in a world of grey
So easily spotted,
So easily claimed in this domain where all is prey

My thoughts - a radiant beacon to the
omnidirectional Hunter-god radar
I’m a markerlight of flesh to these subconscious carnivores
I am them. I am teeth. I’m their arousal at the kill
Feasting on self. A schizoreality warp.
The contradiction fulfilled

Focus the only means to see me back
To life’s unending swirl
A reversal of passing away, as the world of dead,
As away is now my origin

I float through physical thoughts.
I stare down the abyss of organic dreams
All bets off, I plunge -
Only to find that self is shed.

A lie to maintain equilibrium,
To hold me in this dead realm – this last ever dream
I’m the thought that never crossed my mind –
Disguised in the evident.
Forever unredeemed.

A new level reached,
Where the absence of air lets me breathe
I’m inverted electrical impulses.
A malfunctioning death-code incomplete
All things before me, at first unliving glimpse
undeciphered
Its semantics rid of logic. Nothing is all. All is contradiction

Grinding, churning – the sweetest ever noises
Decode me into their non-communication
A soundtrack to my failure, one syllable, one vowel

A stagnant flow of endings. Un-time unbound.
Merging to form the multi-none
A sickly dance of matter, malignantly benign.
Greeting the chasm – unbearable, sublime


Vision will blind.
Severance ties.
Median am I.
True are all lies.