saddestsmile

I can remember being seven years old and having goldfish that circled around in a bowl. I remember the table, the drapes, and the window. The dark brown everything: decoration, styling Most of all, I can remember my mother smiling. Worn out and faded, my hometown was scrappy but more than anything she wanted us to be happy. I had little to eat I was back and forth to the hospital. She was right, it's better to be happy if possible…… I tried to be strong and careful what I wished for. My outside ached, my inside stung. Not knowing how to run or how to hit the brakes. A white picket fence was built around a pit of snakes Both a wonder and frightening, the thunder and the lightning. These were the sounds and sights of a thousand fights. My mother, asking me always: "Why don't you ever smile?" and she'd show me how to do it, mother and wife. It was the saddest smile I ever saw in my life. It hurt worse than death but for her sake I tried and one day all of those goldfish died. Hurricane, forest fire, out of control eyes open, floating on the water in the bowl and when my father came home, he walked through the door and threw those fish to the cat on the kitchen floor The wind died too and I was still a child And the three of us watched as my mother smiled…………… They’ve said it every year but this times it seems like the end is near and I’m in line to see the light. How far does this black tunnel go? I got a car but the gas is running low and as long as I’ve known the bumps and creeks of this house. It's starting to make the types of sounds that only come from people's mouths. You can’t tell me it's still settling? Built on an Indian burial ground killing everything. The childhood scar on my belly is back again! That old jump over my own leg dance move has to end. I've seen better days in my night terrors. I was a bike messenger without a bike and I would write letters and ask directions to your whereabouts? Before the slow walk the rest of the show-offs were pealing out. Too many hares only one tortoise. That’s why I left this city, too fast paced for this ho-hum tourist. By the time I developed the pictures. They're as blurry as my memory of constant life fixtures. You made me work for what I couldn’t have. Diamonds cut, but coal burns and nothing lasts forever wonder why I bothered saving any of your letters, they’re just aged paper……….Crumble Suicide is painless or so it has been said. I could have killed myself but I’d be better of dead. So I took a deep breath put a gun against my head pulled the trigger “click” I should have been eating lead? But I wasn’t I was naked in John frost square! I just stood there in my underwear. For this situation I was quite unprepared I tried suicide to be famous but nobody cared. Commenting suicide to enhance my career it worked for biggy and 2pac Shakur. Jesus was nailed up to some wood, 2000 years later book sales are still good! It’s useless its crap I’ll never be in The Sun how am I gonna be a pop star when I carnt buy a gun? Jimmy Morrison overdosed in the bath! I know I’ll hang myself with my scarf? Tied to the stairs dangling by my neck but the cord length I forgot to check! Stuck there for a week unable to shriek the landlord found me and called me a freak. He cut me down and started to laugh “If your dead next week give me your autograph”. I thanked him and returned to my room the next plan is to go out with a boom! To the station with my petrol can five pounds please I say to the man. All set up and ready to burn “the wheel on my lighter just won’t turn”. Enter your Message invalid_text body{ background:#E6E6FA; } div.profilePhotoTitle, div.profileInfoTitle, div.profileAboutTitle, div.profileMediaTitle, div.profileCommentTitle, div.profileFriendTitle, div.profileMessageTitle, div.liveMessageTitle, div.profileRssTitle, #myLiveEvent dt{ background:#E0FFFF; color:#000000; font-size:10pt; } #profilePhoto, #profileFriend, #profileComment,#profileAbout, #profileInfo, #profileMessage, #liveMessage, #profileMediaPhoto, #profileMediaAudio,#profileMediaVideo, div.profileRss{ background:#E6E6FA; color:#000000; border-width:2px; } #myEventCalendar, #myLiveEvent, #myEventCalendarBody{ background:#E6E6FA; color:#000000; } #myEventCalendar{ border-width:2px; } invalid_text