Chris R

In my dreams
It was me in your arms
My lips on yours
There was only us
And the clouds
And the stars
It was the world and us
It was us against the world
But in your arms I could take it
Anything the world dished out
And with your kisses I was strong again
In my dreams it was me in your arms
My lips on yours
But in reality
It’s always been her

*FAULT*
I can't figure out where we fell apart
And I’m searching for someone to blame
For all this pain and all the tears
And I don't know how I manage
To go on loving you
After all that you've put me through
I tell myself ifs not your fault
I tell myself I didn't make you do it
But I blame myself for everything
And if only I had been there
Maybe things would be different
I have dreams of how you used to be
And I wake up crying and screaming
God how I miss that feeling
Miss your kisses miss your smile
Whatever went wrong?
How could we have been so perfect?
When I look in the mirror I remember
What it was like to smile
But it's only a fading memory
And my eyes are tired of crying over this
But I'm not strong enough to give you up
And you weren't strong enough to hold on
I should have held your hand tighter
I could have helped you live through this
And I can't help but think
This is all my fault

*THOUGHTS OF YOU*
I look at my wrists and see my scars
And begin to wonder if yours look the same
And I wonder if your mother checks your wrists every day
The picture I have of you doesn’t do you justice
And I wonder how much you’ve changed in a month
And I can’t help but wonder how I’ve changed
I can look in the mirror and see that I smile more
But behind my eyes lay the tears I haven’t cried for you
And sometimes I feel guilty that I’m getting better
While you sit at home locked in your room swallowing pills
I wonder if there was something I could have done
Or if this was all inevitable
It doesn’t make sense that you could take back what you said to me
But you weren’t thinking correctly when you tried to kill yourself
Maybe you weren’t thinking right when you whispered you loved me
Maybe I was holding someone else’s hand all those times
And this imposter was just in your body
And perhaps I don't love you at all
Or perhaps its you I love but you aren’t the one who tried to die
Either way I haven’t seen you in two months
And my memory of your voice gets softer and softer every day
I wonder if you ever meant those things you said
But mostly I just wonder if I’m strong enough to let you go if you didn’t

*X'S ON MY CALENDAR*
I woke up missing you
And as the day goes by the feeling only gets worse
This is one more day to mark on the calendar
Counting away from the last time that I saw your face smile
Or even the last time I saw your face frown
I’m painfully addicted to your memory
And each day is another spent missing you
And without the hope of seeing you again
I really have nothing to look forward to.

*NEW MOON*
The moon is only half full
like my smile is half real
my head is still filled
with the memories of you
that brought me so much joy
then so much pain

the tears arent mine this time
but yours
and the stars fall from my sky
as if to tell me
that there's nothing I can do
but sit back and watch them fall

and as much as I reach to you
the sky gets darker
the moon just gets smaller
until I cant even fake a smile

*OCEAN CURRENTS*
You’ve made me think of things
That I avoided daily
Until you came along
And shoved reality in my face
I had no choice but to swallow hard
And swim up for air
In-between waves of insecurity
You brought out things in me
I hid from everyone else
Like you pried me open to look inside
And you got to know me
More than I wanted to share
Seeing your smile made me smile
Like I hadn’t for years
Like I was five years old again
And I had won you at a fair
But eventually reality kicks in
And I’m left open and soar
Gasping for breath
Grasping for land
And you’re watching me float
And telling me you won’t help
You’ve opened me up to the outside
And now I’m left to fight this on my own
Everything was simple
Until you came along
And shoved reality in my face
I had no choice but to swallow hard
And swim to the surface

SQUAD UP

liars can't swim cause they're in over their heads