I was a sickly child, born to a bedridden whore ( vaginal cancer) the usual blight of street women. As a boy i spent my time climbing trees ( gathering exotic birds eggs for a cruel master,'The King of Spain'-who had become Homosexual at the time-) I eventually took ship to the andes--where after making my fortune in re-selling ( namely reselling donkeys to the natives) i settled down to a quiet life beneath Mount Pookateepetal ( which i am assured by a local deaf boy is no longer an active volcano)